If you were to ask me what my biggest fear is, I’d say spiders. But if you really asked me, it’s being trapped in a room full of matcha-drinking, baggy-jean-wearing, Clairo-listening, Sylvia Plath-reading guys with Labubus hanging off of their tote bags. Guess what kind of niche I’m describing!
If you haven’t gotten it yet, I’m talking about what TikTok has deemed as “performative men.” Performative males, in TikTok terms, are men who adopt a curated, stylized image and persona in order to appeal to progressive women. These guys are being widely mocked on social media platforms for their interests, and rightfully so.
In my opinion, it’s not wrong to enjoy listening to Lana Del Rey, reading feminist literature or owning wired earbuds if one genuinely does it for their own enjoyment. But the problem with these guys isn’t their aesthetic, it’s the reasoning for why they chose it. My take isn’t such a controversial one either, as junior Evey Friedman’s opinion doesn’t differ.
“I think [that] just because a man likes something that a woman likes, that doesn’t make him performative, but I think some of the aspects of performative men [are] definitely not authentic,” Friedman said. “I wouldn’t say every single person who wears baggy jeans and listens to Clairo is a performative male, but I think it’s just about who’s doing it for validation and who’s doing it because it’s what they like.”
It’s not unnatural to want to impress someone, people do it all the time. In all honesty, it’s kind of like how male peacocks spread all of their colorful feathers in order to attract a mate. That part isn’t entirely why performative men are getting ridiculed. It’s because of the trending things they are doing, drinking or wearing, that seem to have completely no meaning to them. It’s because of the front that they are putting on to gain attraction from modern women, who seem to be the blueprint of these “niche” interests.
“It’s just men trying to appeal to women in a weird way, and I think that men can like those things,” Friedman said. “But I think it’s become such a stereotype because it represents how men perceive women and what women want.”
With all of the turmoil and mockery online, it’s safe to assume that many women, and other people in general, have agreed on a similar consensus of critiquing shallow intent and false behavior. But while being performative has turned into something satirical online, there really are people out there who fit the stereotype, despite their intentions.
When I tried to think about people around me that fit under the “performative male” stereotype, my own cousin came to mind.
“In some aspects, yeah, [I’d consider myself performative],” UNL freshman Joseph Shakir said. “In the aspect of being the guy that gets his ex back.”
Although admitting to being performative in some ways, such as getting a tattoo of a sword on his wrist, in order to fit a certain picture to get the attention of a girl, he states that the other aspects of his character and interests come from a genuine enjoyment.
“I think it’s pretty funny because some people think it, but I really enjoy those [things],” Shakir said. “I think [being performative for validation] is kind of loser-like. I think everyone should just be themselves and enjoy what they want to enjoy.”
I am a firm believer of authenticity and originality. It’s okay not to fit a certain label, and it’s also okay if you do fit a label. The concept of putting on a false identity to seek attention is certainly an online thing, and it should stay that way. There will always be something likable about your genuine personality, and having a sense of self will always be so much more validating than trying to fit an image.
A message to anyone “performative” out there: you don’t need to carry two feminist literature books with you at all times, or over-sympathize with women’s issues to appeal to them – having the quality of authenticity will always be the most enticing!
